


The Perfect McHeist

by blumen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on a Tumblr Post, Grindr, Humor, M/M, Online Dating, POV First Person, eren's pov, restaurant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4014682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blumen/pseuds/blumen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the beginning of all good legends, it had started on Grindr. I was happily scrolling through potential fuck buddies when it happened. I got a notification from a faceless set of abs (gorgeous abs that I would happily trace all night long with my tongue) saying that I was very cute. Whilst it wasn't unusual to get a compliment on Grindr of all places, especially since I was one hot motherfucker, I was stunned to see the perfect grammar that the message was written with. This beautiful walking six pack, with a beautiful face to match after a quick check of his photos, who spoke like an English teacher had suggested a meet-up. Like the thirsty bitch I was, I obviously replied with a yes with maybe a few too many exclamation marks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perfect McHeist

**Author's Note:**

> When I read this post http://furawachan.tumblr.com/post/119736310072/today-i-fucked-up-by-trusting-a-hot-local I couldn't stop thinking of Levi so as I always do I made it about ereri and then this happened.

I was more nervous than I was willing to admit. In the last ten minutes I must have checked my reflection at least hundred times, and I don't even know if I'm exaggerating when saying that. I considered going to the bathroom again just to check that I hadn't used too much hair gel and Armin wasn't just being nice. But the chance of my date showing up during my pilgrimage towards the toilets was too risky of a one to take. It wasn't often that I was blessed with the opportunity of a date with what might actually be a fallen angel.

Like the beginning of all good legends, it had started on Grindr. I was happily scrolling through potential fuck buddies when it happened. I got a notification from a faceless set of abs (gorgeous abs that I would have happily trace all night long with my tongue) saying that I was very cute. Whilst it wasn't unusual to get a compliment on Grindr of all places, especially since I was one hot motherfucker, I was stunned to see the perfect grammar that the message was written with. This beautiful walking six pack, with a beautiful face to match after a quick check of his photos, who spoke like an English teacher had suggested a meet-up. Like the thirsty bitch I was, I obviously replied with a yes with maybe a few too many exclamation marks.

He had given me his Skype so he could check I wasn't going to turn up with a chainsaw and a mace. I justified myself by saying that a killing spree in public during the day wouldn't be a very successful one. But he only replied saying that you never knew when it came to the internet. I was about to make a hilarious retort but my thought process was interrupted by the alluring deepness of his voice. You don't get to be hot, have glorious abs, and a hot voice all at the same time. You get to pick one and that's it.

So I agreed to meet at the McCafe ten minutes away from my apartment for the next day at noon. I didn't even masturbate that night. I was too focused on getting my eight hours of sleep so I didn't turn up looking like a zombie. Well, I tried not to wank that night, but that deep voice and toned abs were still running through my mind so I had to do something. At least I can say I tried.

Fast forward to the what was going to be the best day of my life. I made sure to be twenty minutes early in case Levi decided to do the same and we lost crucial bonding time. Or sexy times. Either one of the two. But I was content to wait at my table besides the window for the time being, pretending to read a Dickens book so I could trick people into thinking I was intellectual. He'd be here any minute now...

“You're early,” Levi stated, almost looking surprised. I nearly fell out of my seat upon hearing his voice. For about a minute I had been sure he'd stood me up. That was a stupid thought. How could anyone ignore a willing stud like me?

“Ha ha, yeah,” I replied. “Can I get you a coffee?” After all I couldn't launch into the pick-up lines straight away.

“Sure,” Levi replied whilst taking out his flashy phone from a pair of tight jeans I greatly appreciated. How thoughtful of him to wear something that so delicately hugged his awe-inspiring butt. Just looking at it gave me the urge to start doing fifty squats daily and actually start jogging like I said I would five years ago. Okay, and maybe it made me want to do other things that weren't exactly appropriate.

With my winning smile, I rose from my chair and we both approached the counter. The queue was thankfully short and we promptly reached the front. Levi quickly ordered a drink with a name so long I couldn't remember it. He just looked like such an adult that I had to deny my cravings for hot chocolate with the extra large marshmallows and order a black coffee. See, look at me being a grown up and ordering coffee. Levi had better be impressed.

Levi reached into his pockets again and placed his frequent buyers card on the counter to get stamped. This must be love, because I'm even finding the fact that he has a frequent buyers card cute. Any moment now I was going to bend down on one knee and ask for his hand in marriage. But maybe that might be a bit much for the first date.

“Can you get us one of those seats outside?” Levi requested whilst we waited for their drinks.

“Sure,” I replied like the gentleman I was. Even if I was slightly irritated that he wanted to sit outside after I got us perfect seats. But I wasn't too bitter so I simply removed my bag that was reserving our table and moved outside instead. Due to the frosty weather I had a wide choice of tables to sit at. I perched myself down as close to the door as I could get in case I suddenly got hypothermia and had to rush towards central heating. The metal chair was icy against my perfect tush but I would suffer through it for Levi. I should mention that in our wedding vows.

I consider going inside to ask why our order was taking so long. But I knew as soon as I stood up it would be ready. Besides I think I was finally getting used to the cold or maybe I was just numb to it. It had only been five minutes anyway. They must be short of staff or something. Or maybe one of the coffee machines broke.

I began to squirm in my seat. I pulled out my phone and realized I didn't have Levi's number, so I instead messaged him on Grindr saying: Lol u lost??? But another five minutes passed and the only notification I got was to harvest my crops on Farmville. The sour feeling in my stomach intensified. Levi couldn't have stood me up. Could he? Even after I got us an amazing table, ordered black coffee, and even agreed to sitting outside?

It had been twenty minutes and still no sign of Levi. He hadn't even given me my drink, that _I_ paid for. Fair enough if he realized he wasn't attracted to me, but he could at least have pretended to be for the rest of the date. Better that than leaving me not even halfway through. But something about that idea didn't seem right. The image of Levi's frequent buyers card flashed in my mind. There were only two slots left until his free drink. Could it be? Was Levi a serial McCafe dater?

It made perfect sense. His operation was too smooth, too perfect to be his first time. I couldn't even be upset about it because the plan was genius. It could have been worse. He could have turned out to be a furry or he could have been really into hardcore fisting. All he did was steal some of my time and a few pounds.

And maybe my heart along with it. 

 


End file.
